Self Help

By Angela Baca

Here is something that you can discover as a writer. The random thoughts that you have are really important. They are not just wacky, stream-of-consciousness words, phrases, sentences, and mental images. They are important milestones in the evolution of your writer’s mind. They are your mental map, telling you many things that have become important to you as you stretch your mind in a continual creative process.

Did you know that your random thoughts and feelings are useful in the future? Your thoughts and feelings should be recorded in a journal or other medium. These ideas tell you what was foremost in your mind and heart on a particular day. You can reflect back on random thoughts and emotions when you are searching desperately for greater self-awareness.

A classic human condition is to engage in self-criticism and self-doubt. Aren’t you tired of living that way? If you can keep a journal of your most important thoughts and random thoughts, you can witness on paper the evolution of your mind. You can engage in a self-reflective dialogue that leaves no room for second-guessing yourself. Your written journal is proof that you are not crazy, ineffective, horrible, or insignificant. You are just human.

Another important way to use the journal as a future resource is to connect your thoughts with important dates. For example, wouldn’t you like to know what you were thinking around the time that you lost a parent or got married? Your past experiences form an important part of who you are.

Remember that you are using life, your life, to write. If you aspire to write fiction, the creative process of writing is really important. In order for your characters and your stories to be believable, you have to write from a set of experiences that ring true with your readers. Every day that you live and record your thoughts, emotions, and experiences in your journal, you are developing an invaluable resource for future storytelling. You are writing about the stuff of life, and your journal will contain that stuff of life. If you commit yourself to the daily reflective journal, you will never run out of material to write from. Writer’s block will become a thing of the past.

The most important thing that you can do as a writer is to keep a journal of your random thoughts. You need to chart a course in your development, and the journal is the perfect way to view your evolution as a creative, verbal being over time.

In the minds of some, there’s still a stigma attached to Internet dating. The belief that it’s only for losers, for those who couldn’t get a date otherwise, persists. But the facts say otherwise.

Ten years after the Internet starting ramping up, online dating is still one of the most popular and lucrative Internet ventures. Millions of attractive, well-adjusted, successful people visit such sites daily. That’s because it is designed to address a certain set of problems and it does fairly well.

It allows individuals who may otherwise never meet to get introduced. It makes it possible to find out a little about one another with a lower commitment of time and risk. People who use Internet dating are busy, tried the local scene and found it wanting, or just haven’t found that right someone. Internet dating takes place in a safe, fairly anonymous setting, while providing a much wider variety of people to meet than ‘real life’ usually allows for.

The first step is to find a site that suits your goals. That means deciding whether you want a general service or one that, say, caters to ethnic or lifestyle preferences. You may not think paying money is worth the introductions, since there are now other venues like MySpace where you can meet people. That means deciding on a free versus a paid site.

You can get a rough idea about those options by just looking around, perusing sites that differ along those lines. Many won’t allow you to get in-depth information, some won’t even show you a photo. But most will provide enough information before you sign up that you can decide whether you want to explore that site further.

Once that initial research is done and you’ve plunged ahead, you’ll need to create a profile that accurately says who you are and what you want. It’s true that many people are less than fully honest in their profiles. The immediate result may be more initial contacts. But the final result is fewer successful matches.

On most sites, you’ll fill out personal information about age, weight, height and some basic likes and dislikes. Photos are usually optional, but without one the odds of being contacted are much lower. At many sites, a video is the preferred way to get a much better view of the real person.

Numerous studies show that most people are initially attracted to a person’s looks. Though it takes a while to get to know someone well, most people will project a lot about who they are by their appearance. You can’t judge the whole book by its cover, but it does help you discover whether you want to start reading.

Providing contact information is necessary for the site, but many will provide a relay, so you don’t have to invent a new email address solely for online dating sites. It might not be a bad idea, though, just in case.

Once you’ve provided enough information about yourself, with a photo, to make it possible for others to be interested, you start looking too. Sooner or later, someone is going to come across your profile. From there, things get interesting…

Internet dating greatly expanded the choices available to those seeking that special someone. Once, you were limited to whomever happened to be in your area. Then, along came online dating and you enjoyed the possibility of meeting someone from far way you otherwise never would. Now, along comes mobile phone dating to combine the best of both worlds.

More and more people are on the road, connecting. They aren’t near the computer but still want to communicate. That option used to be limited to pay phones. Now, cell phones, PDAs and other mobile devices are everywhere.

With that extended reach comes new options in online dating. For a fee, you can add services to your mobile service, such as text messaging, email and Internet access. Along with those technical options there is another service offering: mobile dating services.

Sure, you can email anyone you know. You can text message others through Internet social networking sites. But mobile dating services combine all the technological features with something that Internet dating services have developed expertise at: matching.

A mobile dating matching service works much like its Internet counterpart. Sign-up, create a profile and the service uses sophisticated algorithms based on extensive psychological research to filter that vast pool of potential candidates. They narrow the number to zero in on those who are much more likely to be worth investigating further.

You get a set of potential prospects, then text message them or exchange emails. Responses to your text messages appear in your Inbox. You can add a photo or even video to that. With the new, high-resolution color screens on contemporary cell phones, Blackberries and PDAs that can be a big plus. If you can watch a movie on a small screen, you can surely see a potential date clearly enough.

With all those features you can pile up quite a list of possible dating partners in a matter of minutes.

Those prospects can be targeted by more than just a personality profile, though. They can include zip code information so that the list contains only those you could actually have a realistic chance of getting together with.

Things have come full circle.

You get the advantages of the geographical proximity associated with traditional dating, with all the added benefits of a technology that helps you find them. Pre-Internet, if you lived in a large city it could be difficult to find someone who shared your interests. The personal ads in the newspapers were about the only option. That function has been taken to a whole new level with mobile dating.

As with any dating service, there are no magic bullets. The service can be costly, especially if you’re on a limited or expensive text messaging plan. But now you need never be away from a way to connect with other members. You can respond instantly to anyone who shows an interest and sometimes getting there first counts a lot.

Growing up in a certain ethnic culture, whether Hispanic, Asian or many others, often provides an environment of particular values. When someone turns to online dating sites, it can be a great benefit to find others that share those values. That’s the value offered by Asian online dating sites, Hispanic sites, Indian sites and the dozen others that cater to an ethnic group.

Ethnic sites don’t generally restrict membership to only individuals of that race. Doing so could raise tricky legal issues. But most of the members joined in order to associate with those who share their background, so the odds of a successful response for others is slim.

Sometimes, one can get lucky and find that a particular member is looking for someone outside their group. They may be hoping to find that someone who is different but interested in that culture, getting the best of both worlds. Provided you accept the lower odds, there’s nothing wrong with trying.

Ethnic sites can range beyond race, to include all sorts of different groups. Russians are substantially the same as other Europeans, ethnically, but joining a Russian dating site may be just what you’re looking for.

On the other hand, Asians will often want to join an Asian online dating site, but within that broad category there are many diverse groups. Japanese culture is very different from Chinese culture, and within China itself there are a dozen major ethnic groups.

One way sites respond to those similarities and differences is to offer many different group chat forums, blogs and message boards that cater to all the different types. Within the broad umbrella of the site, people can ‘cross-fertilize’ or they can separate themselves still further. After all, the ultimate goal for most of the members is to pair off two by two, anyway. That’s the smallest division in most cases!

There are many huge sites that are oriented to a particular ethnicity. Amigos.com for example is a large Latin-oriented site, with millions of members. Those members live in countries and cities all over the world, from Spain to Mexico, from Brazil to the Philippines, from Los Angeles to New York to Buenos Aires and beyond.

Asian sites are equally large. Asian FriendFinder with many offshoots, such as Korean FriendFinder, Filipino FriendFinder also has millions of members. They may live in Los Angeles or Tokyo, Seoul or Beijing. Naturally, having such a diverse membership still provides one of the best benefits of any dating site: choice.

The range of possible personalities, interests and values is as wide in a large Asian site as it would be in a general online dating site. That creates the possibility of finding someone with the kind of shared background sought, while still meeting that unique someone just right for you.

Try an Ethnic dating site and find out what you’ve been missing.

One of the best things about the Internet in general, and online dating sites in particular, is the huge variety of people you can connect with.

It’s well established that between 5-10% of the population wants something out of the norm, in particular a large body-type person. That may seem to limit your choices and chances. But the U.S. alone has 300 million people, and well over half of them are online today. Five percent may sound small, until you consider that it translates to millions of individuals.

And that’s what’s important about BBW/BHM sites - they’re full of individuals. Each and every one has a personality, values, interests and goals. That means they have a lot to offer. Looks may be an initial attraction for most, but personality soon comes into the foreground.

And, who is to say a BBW/BHM doesn’t look as attractive to someone else, anyway? After all, there’s nothing as subjective as taste in appearance. People come in all shapes and sizes and you can easily match up with someone who is perfect for you.

LargeandLovely.com, Match.com and many others have been around since the beginning of the Internet. These sites and many others offer BBW/BHM dating services that zero in on those with all those special qualities.

You can feel comfortable knowing there are others just like you, looking for the same things you are, with the same basic values. Many have suffered the same kinds of difficulties, met the same challenges and learned to overcome similar hurdles. Those shared experiences generate something in common, so you have a basis for conversation right away.

Many plus-sized celebrities have demonstrated that success is a possibility for anyone. That success isn’t always just financial or career, either. It extends to romance as well. In the huge, varied world of Internet dating there’s someone for everyone.

A Big Beautiful Woman/Big Handsome Man site will provide you with all the tools to make that possibility a reality. Multiple chat rooms, personal blogs, matching services and more are provided that help you zero in on that genuine someone who’s interested in you for what you are.

They have the members and the expertise to match you with many potential dating partners. From there, it’s all up to you. Be bold and seize the day. Create your own happiness by refusing to be put into a mold designed by someone else. Show them who you are and what you have to offer.