Self Help

It may seem too soon to discuss the concept of relapse since you may not have even begun your quit attempt as yet. But it’s important to discuss relapse now because, chances are, you’ve experienced a return to smoking after a quit attempt in the past. Before you go forward now, you need to deal with the feelings of frustration and failure you felt the last time you relapsed.

If you’ve ever relapsed - and the vast majority of ultimately successful quitters have - you probably felt horrible. Relapsing feels bad because you think you have failed at something. These feelings are so awful that many smokers would rather continue smoking than face them again. But don’t despair. The truth is, relapsing is a normal and expected part of quitting smoking. In fact, for most people who smoke, it is a necessary stage to experience before being able to quit for good.

But why are people who smoke so harsh on themselves when it comes to understanding why a relapse has occurred? If a friend of yours tried to quit smoking and suffered a relapse, you would probably be very understanding and supportive. You might tell that person to try again and explain that quitting smoking is hard stuff. However, when it comes to their own personal relapses, many people have a tendency to become harsh critics, holding themselves up to higher standards than those around them. For others, there is that assumption right from the start that they are going to fail. In fact, many people just seem to always assume that they will fail at a task, even if the odds are in their favor.

Well the reason is because people are harder on themselves because they are designed to be that way. There is a part of you that expects you to achieve absolute perfection in everything you do. The perfectionist side of you doesn’t tolerate anything but the best.

Generally, it’s a good thing to have this part of you because it triggers you to strive to make achievements and better yourself. But it’s not a good thing when that side of you is so overly critical that it makes you feel like a failure. By not allowing this side of you to have too strong of a voice, you can have a better perspective on relapses and see them for what they really are: learning opportunities.

Did you really “fail”? Let’s take a closer look at this “failure.” Is the word failure really an accurate description of what went on? Does a relapse mean that you have so completely failed at quitting smoking that there is no hope? Does this mean that you will always remain a smoker? No way! If that were the case, most former smokers never would have made it. Just ask any former smoker if he or she relapsed, and there is a good chance you will hear a big fat “yes.”

Again, having a relapse is a normal part of quitting smoking. Those who have been able to quit without relapsing are few and far between. Most of you should count on relapsing and expect it to happen. Asking yourself to quit smoking without going through a relapse is like asking yourself to learn how to ride a bicycle without ever falling - not a very reasonable expectation!