Self Help

When you think about someone who has hurt you deeply, your sympathetic nervous system springs into action. The sympathetic nervous system is the branch of the autonomic nervous system whose goal is to rev up our body to protect us from danger. The autonomic nervous system controls inner organs such as our heart, smooth muscles, and breathing. Our autonomic nervous system has another branch called the parasympathetic system, which calms us down after the danger is past. Both of these systems are operating all the time.

When a danger comes into view, our sympathetic system gears up and controls the action in the “fight-or-flight” response. When the danger has passed or we are relaxed, our parasympathetic system controls the action and we calm down. the sympathetic nervous system is quick and predictable.

The problem is that it gives us only two choices: fighting back or getting away. We may want to pay back the person who hurt us. We may want that person to suffer the way we have suffered. This is the prelude to blame and the grief that comes along with not wanting to forgive them.