Self Help

Recent national surveys find that approximately 5% of children and adolescents in the United States have social anxiety disorder. Because of their symptoms, most experience some type of impairment in school, at home, and in their relationships. Young people with social anxiety may, over time, develop related problems such as loneliness, low self esteem, and depression.

Loneliness: Children who are socially anxious tend to become isolated as they are unable to develop a normal friendship with other children. Often a socially anxious child will have one or two close friends and rely on them for all social interactions. But if the child’s family relocates and the child changes schools, it becomes necessary to make new friends. This is very difficult for socially anxious children, and it tends to become more difficult as they get older. Whereas parents can and should arrange play dates for their young children, this is not appropriate if the child is already in middle school and beyond. This is when socially anxious children often get left behind.

Low self-esteem: When we play and work with others and things go well, we feel good about ourselves, but these opportunities are limited for socially anxious children. Often, these children blame themselves for the things they cannot do. They see other kids making friends and having fun and become angry at themselves for their inability to do so. When this goes on for a long time, low self-esteem can result.

Depression: Researches show that socially anxious children risk developing major depression in later adolescence or early adulthood. Depression in children and adolescents is now recognized as a serious public health concern and suicide is one of the leading causes of death among adolescents in developed countries. Loneliness and low self-esteem, both of which may be outcomes of untreated social anxiety leads to major depression that often results in suicide.

But when do you worry? Is it safe to say that it is not a problem unless neither parents nor teacher is aware of a child’s social anxiety? Yes, most of the time that is a reasonable conclusion. Most children with social anxiety will exhibit some of the behaviors described above. Let us say that you are concerned about the extent of your child’s shyness. When should you worry? Below are the following questions you need to ask yourself: Is my child avoiding social situations and spend too much time alone? Does my child express feelings of loneliness or boredom? Is the situation worsening or not improving? Are there others in the family who have (or had) problems with shyness or social anxiety?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, you should probably be thinking about ways to help your child overcome his or her shyness. But, if your child is expressing thoughts of not wanting to live, or of thinking about doing something to hurt or kill himself or herself or others, seek professional help immediately.