Perceptions of Reality
March 27th, 2006 (Self Esteem)
The terms self-image and self-perception convey a concrete idea. If we perceive an object, we assume it is there just as we see it. We do not think, “Perhaps that object is really not there, and I am just hallucinating.” When we see an image, we assume it to be real. Our perceptions tell us what reality is, and we act according to our perceptions.
We naturally assume that what we perceive to be reality is also what others perceive as reality. If I see a bus coming down the street, I naturally assume that everyone else sees a bus coming down the street.
This is also true of a self-image or a self-perception. If I see myself in a certain way, that is reality. I do not go around thinking that my perception may be distorted. If my self-image is one of inadequacy and inferiority, then I am certain that other people perceive me as such.
If my self-image is negative, and I am convinced that others see me negatively, this poses a serious problem for me. Why would anyone deserve my companionship? Since it is obvious to me that no one would wish to be in my presence, any effort that I make to associate with people will inevitably result in their rejecting me. Since rejection is extremely painful, I must avoid it at all costs. Clearly the most effective method of avoiding rejection is to avoid associating with people. I become a “loner.” I prefer to be by myself. Most loners say that they prefer to be alone because they are private people and don’t like others intruding on their privacy. Do not believe this; they are lying either to you or to themselves. Loners crave companionship as much as everyone else does, but their fear of rejection outweighs their desire for companionship.
Not all people with a negative self-image are loners. Some may think, “Of course, if anyone got to know me, he would reject me. But I am clever enough to put on a facade so that people will not get to know the true me.” These people can be very entertaining socially. They feel safe in public because they can act in a way that prevents others from getting to see the “true self.”