What Gives a Person Value?
Our feeling good about ourselves is related to our unique human aspects, our character and personality. Some of the unique human character traits are love, honesty, courage, humility, generosity, and empathy. It is safe to assume that we all possess these, and if they have not been manifest in our lives, it is because they have been concealed. Like the sculpture, we need to expose them.
One major difference between people and animals is that we can make intelligent choices based on concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, rather than having our behavior determined by whatever it is the body craves. To the degree that we make intelligent choices and exercise our unique human traits, we gain pride and self-esteem.
Keep in mind that making intelligent choices may not initially give us as comfortable a lifestyle as that of following our urges and drives. In other words, gaining self-esteem may require sacrificing some of the things we are attracted to. But it is a price well worth paying.
Self-esteem requires trust in ourselves. Co-dependent people do not trust their own impressions and judgments and continually look for cues in how other people react to them. Are they smiling and appear to be approving, or does a frown indicate disapproval?
It is wise to seek advice from others. When we talk about a problem, we often discover facets of which we had been unaware. Our own clear understanding and the perspective of an objective person can help us make better judgments, but this is different from being dependent on other people for every choice or decision. Although we should be flexible, we should begin making our own decisions and trusting our own opinions. If we make mistakes, these can be positive learning experiences, not devastating failures.
We all make mistakes. Some are costly, and we have every reason to regret them. But the function of regret should be to alert us not to repeat these mistakes, rather than self-condemnation. We learn many important things in life by experience. The proverb “Experience is a hard teacher, but fools will learn no other way” is wrong. Fools are those who fail to learn from experience. If you have made a mistake, even a serious one, and you have learned not to repeat it, then you are wise.