Self Help

Are you putting your child in the position of having to “choose” between parents? Children, especially young children, should never be made pawns in parental strife. Yet parents do this inadvertently in many ways.

While some parents make the mistake of saying too little about their marital problems, others say too much. When a mother talks to a school-age child about the father’s affair with another woman, it is not only inappropriate, it is also harmful. It puts terrible pressure on a child to feel that his love for one parent is an act of disloyalty to another.

If you aren’t sure about how to explain a divorce to your children, speak with someone who can help you to do this in a sensitive way. Even after custody arrangements have been worked out, parents should never ask young children with whom they would rather spend time. To you it may be just one afternoon or one weekend. But from their perspective the children are being asked to state a preference, and this only adds to the burden of coping with divorce.