Self Help

Children need to feel that they can safely reveal an unpleasant side without compromising our love for them. We let a spouse see the anger and frustration that we conceal in public, and we express anxiety at home that we share with no one else. Your child has the same needs, but not the same ability to express them.

So try to be tolerant of whatever outlet she does choose, but firm in letting her know that some behavior is simply unacceptable. A child who is feeling insecure will test you with impossible behavior. And at times, leaving the room is a good way to show a child that you’ve been pushed too far. Other times, though, you can break these patterns by picking up a child and holding him.

Instead of feeling snubbed or slighted, be glad that your child feels secure enough to be himself, and give him the reassurance he may be looking for. It delights us when children mimic our “neutral” behavior, such as talking on the phone or pretending to go to the office. But children also need opportunities to practice being less than perfect. They can afford to be ill tempered with us because it is our love that is most constant. This is the essence of unconditional love.