Self Help

It has not been substantiated that there is a necessary and causal link between low socioeconomic standing and low self-esteem in children. There is no guarantee that if one was raised in a financially well-off family she will have developed high self-esteem, or that if one is raised in a poor family she will have developed low self-esteem. The crucial factor in terms of self-esteem development is the quality of the parent-child relationship.

There have been interviews of numerous men and women who grew up in extremely well-off families yet whose parents were inattentive, abusive, alcoholic and/or disturbed; these people may have been born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths, but they still grew up without high self-worth. Conversely, several people we interviewed grew up in poverty or near poverty, yet their parents made up for what they could not give their children materially by spending much loving time with them. These men and women grew up knowing they are lovable and worthy.

By working early and being treated as responsible, some also developed a sense of competence and autonomy that many more financially privileged people failed to attain. Although money does not automatically bring a child self-esteem and lack of money does not automatically preclude self-esteem, lack of financial security can have a disruptive effect on the quality of the relationships within a family, and this in turn can adversely affect children’s self-esteem.

Perhaps money problems helped to spark arguments or even bring on an eventual rift between a child’s parents. Perhaps the father, unable to find work, felt compelled to leave his wife and children so that they could be eligible for welfare. Perhaps lack of money prevented the family from taking care of health and dental problems among the children, etc. We could go on with a long list of possibilities here, but the main point is this: While there is no guarantee that money will give children an edge in self-esteem development, a child who grows up in a family where there is not enough money to insure a basic standard of living faces obstacles to self-esteem that children in financially secure families do not face. Moreover, particularly among the urban poor, and now increasingly among the rural poor, the child will definitely suffer the pain of social stigma.