Setting up Your Children for Success in Life Through Values
June 13th, 2006 (Parenting)
Children are exposed to many different values. They receive conflicting and confusing messages about values because many adults in their lives do not share the same value system. Parents who want to see their children grow up happy and successful will want to help their children sort out the right messages from the wrong ones. Here are 8 steps to take as you share your value system with your children.
1. Identify your own values. Before you can teach your children, you need to be clear about what you want them to learn. Don’t take a casual approach to this important parental responsibility. Take the time to develop a complete list of those qualities you plan to teach your children.
2. Tell your children what your values are. Learn to state clearly and concisely what you believe and how these values influence decisions in your life. When telling your children about your values, paint word pictures, use analogies, and tell stories. Have your children tell you what you said to ensure that you have communicated clearly.
3. Explain the values. Telling children to be kind, loving, polite, generous, or patient does not give them sufficient information about what you expect. Instead, describe to your children the behaviors that demonstrate those qualities. Let your children know that when they behave in these ways, you are pleased with their choices.
4 Explore the values. Help your children understand values by using a variety of teaching methods, inviting discussions about values, and allowing healthy debates. The more children understand individual values and how these are demonstrated in our lives, the more likely they are to adopt these values.
5. Model what you want your children to say and do. Your choices and commitment to values determines and shapes the kind of person you are becoming. You will want your children to observe you as a living model of the values you teach.
7. Apply values in everyday experiences. The key to passing on values is to help children see how those values apply to daily life. Explain that choices reveal values. For example, a person who does a kind deed for a stranger demonstrates that kindness is one of his or her values. Look for and use teachable moments that provide an opportunity to choose between right and wrong, between good and bad. The situations may be real, on television, in a story you are reading, or something that happened in the past.
8. Reinforce values through games. Your children learn a lot about life as they play. Learning about values is not a boring, academic activity. Be creative and you will find many ways to make learning a game.