Self Help

Our quest for greater understanding of what’s happening to you as you move through your divorce can often move forward with the help of a trained professional. There are many types of counselors, and if you’re a person of faith, you might choose to discuss matters with your minister or rabbi. But a psychologist or master’s-level social worker, trained in counseling individuals, is perhaps your best bet.

You might already be familiar with counseling if you and your spouse sought marital therapy prior to separating. As a general rule, therapists who worked with you as a couple will prefer that you seek another counselor for individual sessions. However, if enough time has lapsed between the marriage therapy and your own needs at present, then it’s largely up to you and the therapist involved. If there are issues involving domestic violence or any form of abuse, women need to seek individual counseling to see things more clearly and remain safe in expressing themselves.

You can find licensed psychotherapists through hospital referral lines, trusted friends, clergy, or your health plan. Many therapists make coming to sessions very convenient, offering evening and Saturday hours. If cost is a concern, inquire with your health plan to make sure you are using a provider within the network, or if necessary, ask counselors if they use a sliding scale.

It’s very wise to begin therapy in the initial stages of a marital separation. Most likely, you are still covered under your husband’s health plan (unless you carry your own coverage). Once you divorce, cost may be a factor, and mental health coverage is frequently not rendered with less expensive policies. Different types of psychotherapy suit different people. There’s cognitive therapy, a behavioral approach, or a combination of techniques. In addition, group therapy might be effective in treating substance abuse or other addictions and in recovering from domestic violence.

Remember that many people call themselves counselors. When choosing a counselor ask about credentials and education. Is the therapist a licensed social worker or licensed psychologist? A doctorate degree in psychology isn’t always necessary, but it is indeed an indication of advanced study. How long has the person practiced? Does he or she specialize in working with a particular type of patient? If you get the feeling that this counselor, after a few sessions, is promoting a separate agenda, beware. This can be the case with some religious-based counseling. Ideally, you want someone who has had patients going through marital separation or divorce. If you have other concerns, such as domestic violence, eating disorders, or depression, it’s best to find a professional who is experienced enough to help you.