Self Help

We want very much to believe that our children are fine, that divorce has not harmed them, that they will grow up to have happy and even lengthy family lives of their own. But the prognosis is doubtful. It is quite notable that three out of four children of divorce will themselves get divorced. And unless we learn more about how our children feel - and how to handle divorce better ourselves - those figures may very well become their heritage.

Some of the children’s distress can be alleviated or at least muted by the parent, though some cannot. Children, after all, are dealt the hand in life they must learn to live with. A child cannot keep his parents from fighting; a child cannot keep his parents from getting divorced.

But a child can survive and even benefit from a healthy divorce if the parents keep their differences to themselves and both continue a positive involvement with the child. This does not mean to say the child’s world will be perfect. Far from it. But at least it will be manageable. And in this day and age, when an increasing number of adults are finding it ever more difficult to manage their own lives, such a legacy is the least we can offer our children.