Self Help

1. Keep “Demand” Out of Your Vocabulary: When talking to someone, try to choose your words very carefully so as not to offend someone or alienate them in the course of a conversation. Never make demands. Never lay down ultimatums. The aim of a negotiation is to arrive at an acceptable conclusion, not just to prove your prowess. Think bottom line: will someone react more favorably when he is threatened or when he is treated with verbal respect? Will he soften his stance or will his opposition stiffen? In order to work with and not against someone, it is best to use language in its least offending form.

2. Type of Language: Always keep your language polite. There is no place for rough, profane language in a negotiation. The last thing you want is for someone to think of you as vulgar, with no distinguishing refinement. Even if the person with whom you are negotiating is impolite, don’t follow his lead. Be dignified. Eventually, the other side will rise to your level.

How do you respond to profanity from the other side of the table? Just restrain yourself. Don’t appear shocked or disapproving. You don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable. And if your opponent doesn’t raise the level of his discourse, keep your eyes on the prize; don’t change your demeanor to accommodate a less preferable level of behavior.

3. Tone of Voice: Take stock of your voice and how you express yourself. A good negotiator uses a nice, low keyed, pleasant voice to his best advantage. Speak slowly, clearly, whether you are on the telephone or sitting across a table. Your voice is an important tool; keep it working for you, not against you. Remember, try to have a kindness in your voice. It’s something people will respond to.

If you’re a shouter, restrain yourself. If you’re sarcastic by nature, try not to let it color your tone. If you have a bad attitude, it will come out in your voice as well as in the content of your conversation. So be careful of how your voice sounds to others. Keep in mind that the less threatening you sound, the more your adversary is going to feel comfortable with you. Think of your voice as part of your negotiating bedside manner. Be soothing. The “patient” will appreciate it.

4. Eye Contact: When you speak to someone, don’t you want them to look you in the eye? If you don’t, the message conveyed is that you are distracted, that what the other person is saying isn’t all that important to you and you’d really rather not be there. Don’t underestimate the value of eye contact. When people talk to you in a negotiation, they want to persuade you. They have a profound need that you pay attention to them. It’s a very important negotiating tool which helps you to convey interest and puts people at ease.