Self Help

When it comes to negotiating, your limits define what you are willing to give up in order to get what you want. Setting limits means establishing the point at which you are willing to walk away from the negotiation and pursue some alternative course.

Your limit may be the highest price you’ll pay for a car, the lowest salary you’ll accept from a prospective employer, the farthest you’re willing to drive before it’s your spouse’s turn to take over, or the latest curfew you’ll allow for your teenager. If your limits are crossed: no car, no job, no trip, no date - no dice!

In business negotiations, setting limits may not seem necessary because the marketplace can define the boundaries of the discussion. People generally have an idea about the value of goods or services; they know what others are paying for comparable homes, cars, or cleaning services. They assume the discussion will not go beyond an acceptable range - what they consider to be a fair and reasonable value for the product or service under negotiation. Not true. Even business negotiations can go off track. Especially in times of economic downturn, you find limits being tested.

Think about the last three times you became upset about something in your personal life. It’s almost a certainty that at least one of those situations was caused by the fact that your limits were crossed. You probably didn’t articulate those limits in advance. For example, your neighbor arrives for a chat. You have only a few minutes to spare, but you fail to tell your visitor. Your blood pressure rises while the neighbor talks for an hour.

Unfortunately, setting limits is a very difficult task for most people. It takes practice. Start small: Set a limit of 60 seconds the next time someone calls to chat when you don’t have time. That should be enough time to take care of the pleasantries necessary to maintain the relationship and still get you off the phone.

Setting limits is worth the effort. People who consistently make bad deals usually do not set limits before the negotiation starts. They don’t know when to walk away. You must know your limits and know how to enforce them. Knowing that you’re prepared to walk away gives you the strength and confidence to be firm, even if the other party isn’t aware of your limits or your ability to enforce them.

Whether you have consciously set your limits or not, in every negotiation, you have a point beyond which you won’t go. There’s also a point beyond which your opponent won’t go. If you don’t set your limits ahead of time, you discover them as your patience becomes strained. Often, people explode or feel stepped on when this line is crossed. Much of setting limits is really figuring out what your limits are - before they come up and hit you in the face because someone crossed them.