Self Help

A very important question that you need to ask yourself before entering a negotiation is, why should the other party negotiate with me? People will not negotiate with you unless they believe you can help them or hurt them. How important is this negotiation to the other party? What options do they have? Is your smile so sweet that they will go along with your terms to gain your friendship or fondly recall the moment forever? Are you joined through work or family, which means you cannot easily get away from each other? Does winning this negotiation mean losing something else later on?

When you go into a retail store, more often than not you want to buy something. This is an automatic signal to the sales clerk that you have a problem or a need and that you believe this store might be able to solve the problem or satisfy the need. The salesclerk knows this implicitly - as do the mechanics in an auto repair shop, the people installing your new telephone line, and the scalpers selling tickets outside a stadium. They know why you are doing business with them. Why should they negotiate with you?

Believe it or not, in every situation there are ways that you can help the other party, as well as ways in which you can hurt him. Think about this for a moment. How can you help the mechanic to whom you are about to turn over your car? How can you help the phone installation person who expects you to be home, waiting, all day? How can you help the scalper whose tickets you want to buy?

You might find it easier to answer your question if you break down human needs into some basic categories. Think about how you can help or hurt the other party: Financially, Psychologically, Socially, Materially, and Physically.

When you ask your waitperson to make you a special dish - something not listed on the menu - why should she accommodate you? Is it because you come to the restaurant frequently and the kitchen is not busy right now? Because you have just moved into the neighborhood and could become a regular customer? Because you are friendly, sociable, amusing? Because the special dish is relatively easy to make? Because she would expect a larger tip?

Many times, one of these needs or worries is more pressing than the others, and often there is more than one way to satisfy the need. In addition, needs can change over time. For example, when you arrive early at a moving sale or an estate sale, the sellers are likely to decline offers below the listed price; they are trying to get as much value for each item as possible (financial needs). However, near the end of the day their needs change as the thought of having to box and lug the unsold items becomes dreadfully apparent, not to mention potential storage costs (financial, material, and physical needs).