Self Help

1. Don’t Take Anything Personally. Most of what is said in negotiating is said to gain a specific advantage. If there is an attempt being made to insult you, most of the time it is just to distract you from your goal. The other side could well use the same lines on the next person with whom they deal. It is “shop talk,” nothing else. Just put some space between yourself and your positions. The attacks are on what you seek, not who you are.

The world is filled with unenlightened people who will try to browbeat, abuse, or insult you. If they are being unpleasant, maybe something else is going on in their lives that has carried over into your dealings. Always try to separate the issues from the person. In short, do not overreact. You have to understand temperament: who angers quickly and who doesn’t; who carries a grudge and who drops it off at the first stop.

2. Some of the Best Moves Are the Ones You Don’t Make. Some of your best deals, and investments, will be the ones that you don’t make. Sometimes, the very best way to double your money is to fold it over twice and put it back in your wallet. In his song “The Gambler” Kenny Rogers sings, “Know when to hold them and know when to fold them.” There’s many a negotiation that just wasn’t meant to be, so recognize this fact and have the courage to walk away.

3. Don’t Be Intimidated Just Because It’s Printed. People are intimidated by what they assume to be the power of legitimacy. They don’t believe they can challenge anything that is in writing, whether it is in a contract or on a sign. If it seems to be a policy, some people believe it is not changeable, holy writ. They get intimidated just because it’s in print. For example: The hotel desk says you must check out by noon. (You can usually get late checkout for an hour or two later) or… You are handed a rate card or price list. (If you sign a long-term contract or buy in volume, you get a discount) or… The menu says no substitutions. (If you pay a few dollars more, the rule quickly fades away) or… Your lease doesn’t allow a pet. (Does that mean you leave behind your canary? Does “pet” mean just a dog or cat?) or… The printed price on a price tag doesn’t mean that has to be the price. (Is there a special sale going on? If you buy two will you get a reduced price? If it’s still there when you come back in two weeks, can you get a discount?)

Does the fact that these are printed documents mean they are not negotiable? Of course not. I will say it again: everything is negotiable.

Don’t be intimidated by the printed word, by standard contracts or leases. Such texts are printed and delivered in such a way as to guide you into working with them. This is how they want things done, not local law. They’ve had their office or their lawyer draw up the contract. This is how they work. Fine. It’s not how you work. They are trying to use peer pressure at the negotiating level.