Self Help

Certain types of people always seem to get what they want and leave a destructive wake of bad feelings behind them. When you negotiate with such people, you feel that the only thing that would get through to them is a sharp jab to the chin. You walk away feeling angry and inadequate.

Before you spend one more moment of thought deciding how to beat these people at their own game, understand one thing: People with this type of personality are not nearly as good at negotiating as you are. The fact that you are even thinking about this problem, when you could be out doing something else more fun, is proof positive that you are in the lead. You can be sure that not one of those difficult types thinks about the impact on you. Ultimately, such people are the big losers in life. They usually fail to gain as much as they could in specific negotiations, too.

You possess the tools to deal with difficult people. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, forgetting that fact is easy. First, you must understand that these difficult people (bullies) come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. They use a variety of techniques, such as making take-it-or-leave-it offers, screaming, needling, and making their counterparts the butt of a joke. You may remember such a person from the schoolyard. A bully is anybody who tries to intimidate someone who is perceived as weaker.

No matter what you do, negotiating with a bully is not going to be a pleasant experience. If you are negotiating on your own account, you may be wise to call the whole thing off at this point, because someone who bullies you during the negotiation will probably try to bully you after you reach an agreement. Unfortunately, sometimes walking away is not an option. Instead, rely on these six basic skills:

1. Prepare: Be sure that you know everything you need to know about your counterpart before you begin the negotiation. Knowing ahead of time that you are dealing with a bully somehow takes much of the sting out of the bullying remarks.
2. Set limits: Be sure that you are very clear about the limits you have set. Never accept from a bully a deal that you would not accept otherwise.
3. Maintain emotional distance: Keep a tight grip on your pause button. Responding in kind is easy when someone is trying to bully you. Take a few minutes to cool off, if necessary.
4. Listen: You must work hard to listen to a bully. First, bullies mask their message in a melange of language that is hurtful in some way or another. Second, your own animosity is building, so empathetic listening is virtually impossible. Finally, if the bully’s purpose is to achieve a desired outcome by using intimidation rather than sharing information and reaching a common solution, the bully may never give you the information you need.
5. Communicate Clearly: This is very important. Don’t speak often - but when you do make it count. With as little emotion as possible, let the other party and everyone else in the room know exactly what you are after. Even if you don’t persuade the bully, someone else may later bully the bully for you.
6. Close: Try to close the deal at every opportunity. After all, if the negotiation isn’t fun, you don’t want it to last any longer than it has to. After the deal is done, you are done. Fight the impulse to spread the word about the new Biggest Jerk in Your Life.