Self Help

Above all else, negotiation is a “people game.” Like any activity involving people, negotiating raises a multitude of internal thought processes and feelings that can interfere with the objectives of the participants. Ego, perceived status, fear, lack of preparation, and indifference can all work against aspiring negotiators and keep them from reaching their goals.

The aspect which makes negotiating difficult for so many people involves these unseen variables. Specifically, some of us dread saying no to others because of the potential for rejection that this raises. We may want to avoid telling other people no because we do not want to disappoint them and risk having them think less of us as a result. If you are a person who feels this way, then for you negotiating is not a professional activity, but a very personal one.

If you feel this way, do not despair! Many people are anxious about negotiating. They have a fear of losing control in the negotiating process. Furthermore, they tend to become emotionally involved before, during, and after a negotiation. Negotiating can and should be a professional skill in which you disengage yourself from personal considerations - even if what you are negotiating about is personally important to you.

Professional negotiators develop an ability to mentally switch into a different mode. They suspend their emotional reactions and negotiate on a strictly business level. They deal with facts and logic and possibilities. When they are finished - regardless of the outcome - they don’t hold grudges. They develop methods to diffuse hostile or unproductive emotions that arise in a negotiation. They prepare viable excuses and convincingly explain why their own criteria need to be followed. They structure their environment in a way that makes it easy for them to say no, and they say no in a credible and supportable way.

As we all know, it is very easy to say “yes”. Most of us are brought up to be compliant and cooperative members of society, and conflict is generally considered to be a negative and disruptive social occurrence. We are taught from childhood to say yes to our parents, teachers, and employers. We learn that we can please our friends and family by giving them what they want. In time, we begin to depend upon the approval of others to reinforce our own self-image. This socialization process makes it difficult for us to say no later in our professional encounters.

The ability to say no is a distinctive skill that has special importance in negotiating. Unfortunately, if you are not able or willing to say no to others, it is unlikely that you will achieve your objectives when you negotiate. Consequently, you will most likely give up too much too soon to others in negotiating situations. If your “weakness” of giving in so easily becomes known to others, they will undoubtedly push for more and greater concessions when they negotiate with you - if for no other reason than that they think they can get them. Initially, you may needlessly surrender only items of minor consequence. Over the long run, however, you may be taken advantage of on a much larger scale in more important negotiation situations.

Learning to say no is a valuable skill that helps you reach your objectives in a negotiating situation. Since many people are uncomfortable with saying no, your ability to do so will give you an advantageous position in most negotiations.