Self Help

Your words and behavior tell people who you are. Human communication and behavior fall into three basic categories: Passiveness; Aggressiveness; Assertiveness.

Passiveness is a reluctance or inability to confidently express what you think and feel. In the past, our society rewarded women for being passive and men for being aggressive. But as more and more women voice their concerns in the workplace, this is changing.

Aggressive communication and behavior, whether direct or indirect, results in a put-down of the other person, making her feel hurt, defensive and humiliated. Aggressive behavior does not take the other person’s goals or feelings into account. Only the aggressor’s goals are met. This often generates bitterness and frustration that later returns as resistance and dissension. Think of a time when someone used aggressive communication at the expense of another person. How would you feel about approaching such a person? Aggression intimidates, demeans and degrades another person.

Assertiveness is an alternative to the extremes of passiveness and aggressiveness. It is being confident in expressing what you think, feel and believe, standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others. Assertion is rooted in respect: respect for yourself and for the other person. People tend to cooperate when they are approached or advised in a way that respects the needs of both parties. Assertive communication frequently allows both persons to get what they want.